Tags
fear, full disclosure, health, Love, New Year Resolution, TED Talk
What areas in your life would you like full disclosure? Yesterday, I wrote about my kitty Nox very unexpectedly passing away. I often thought it would be a great thing to know the day I was going to die. But after yesterday, I’m not so sure. What if I had known that was Nox’s last day with me. Would I have spent the day rushing her to medical doctors? Would I have been sad all day? Would I have tried to protect her from harm?
Because I didn’t know she did all the things that made her happy. She had a nap on my lap and attacked the blankets when I made the bed and followed me around the house and jumped on the furniture.
If I entered into a new relationship how much do I need to know about that person’s past? What if he had had an affair — but realized this wasn’t a healthy way to have a relationship — and he did his internal work and fixed the reasons he had one in the first place? If he tells me of his past this builds trust but it can also breed mistrust. What happens when he is really late coming home from the office and the perfume smell is really because his boss wears way to much? And I start to hold onto the fact that if he had an affair once — it’s going to happen again. That relationship is doomed.
Before I get on a plane do I have a right to know my pilot is a recovering alcoholic even if he isn’t drinking anymore? Do I have a right to know that a boss is sexist? What do I have a right to know about the beliefs of my child’s teacher?
Having MCS my need to information that is legally unavailable to me has certainly changed some of the things I think should be routinely disclosed to the public.
In this TED talk, the opportunity for doctors to voluntarily disclose if they get paid by pharmaceutical companies and some of their basic beliefs has resulted in some intense animosity against a doctor who made the suggestion. And some doctors have volunteered to openly answer the questions.
So what would you like to know about your doctor? What issues do you need full disclosure on.
Love,
Colleen
Life in the City with a Future 
The first part of your post reminded me of advice given. When questioning a relationship, a friend’s father told her that what mattered was not so much where the person had been but in what direction they were going. Although our past history is important, people can and do change and move on. If we withhold judgment, sometimes a person can become something they (or we) never dreamed possible.
Phew. That is some powerful words and insights. You made me just wonder — this might be a post — after a person has served a prison sentence or probation etc should there be a way to prove they’ve changed and not have to carry that baggage with them the rest of their lives?
Sometimes I think the hardest part about changing is convincing those around us we have changed. A changed person does fine with people who don’t know their past.
Think about going back home or going to a reunion of some sort. Suddenly we are back in the box we used to be in – a child of a parent or the shy high schooler.
So true Stephanie!
❤
So well put. I’ve noticed when I’ve made changes it has taken others a while of trying to still interacting with me in the old way — a few times — before they finally get that I’m not going back.
Regarding disclosure, customer service, MCS/ES,disability related requests and accommodations, I have been having some very different responses lately. One company was really great in answering very specific questions about the life cycle of their product (after I found a piece of plastic in one), a health food store manager has become completely offended and hostile by my simple accommodation request, and a delivery service was completely agreeable to taking extra precautions after explaining how they did things.
Regarding life and death, and attachments (especially to habits and routines), I have put myself through several exercises of living as if my own death was imminent (before it looked like that may be the case for a while) and tried to live as if everyday could be my last.
I also practiced contemplating that it could be anyone else’s last day too. Not as well as I would have liked to with that, I got too sick and circumstances prevented me from being with a few loved ones in their last days or even years…
Losing the few people in my life who were the only ones to accept me as I am, or at least support me being me, in the matter of a couple of years (when I could not see them) was really hard. I missed being able to talk with them, to feel loved and supported by others…
I also lost my fur-family.. Everyone around me that helped me feel connected disappeared in a very short period of time, while i was suffering extreme brain fog and isolation…
Loss (death of someone’s body in particular) is difficult, especially where love is concerned, but when we can see it as energy transforming and changing instead of as loss, it really helps…
Regarding relationships, when people are open and willing to discuss the difficult issues, then trust is more obvious to see and grow, but when people don’t want to discuss things, or admit to our role in causing hurt, there’s usually good reason not to trust…
Learning how to trust ourselves is so important too. So important…
Regarding doctors, this tab is open and i will watch the video at some point tonight 🙂
(I hope this comment is somewhat relevant, and not too rambly… it’s hard for me to be objective at times when there are exposures involved, I know you have already seen evidence of that)
Quote: “but when we can see it as energy transforming and changing instead of as loss, it really helps…” This is the part I am trying to hold onto in all of my life. Even when say the health food person is snarky — I try to view that as energy that I can take on as is or I can transform it into love and forgiveness. I usually have to rant a bit first but I’m getting better with if this is the last day — give forgiveness now.
I love all your openness. I still struggle with full disclosure. Part of me thinks put it all out there and then I have found that often it is better to keep my mouth shut.
The state of chemical exposures my brain is in really changes what I disclose… and how I am able to say it…
Until I ended up in a life threatening situation because of the severe MCS/ES and lack of accommodations, I preferred being quiet. Then I kind of had to be… as most words would not come out and context was so important…
And I just deleted most of the comment I’d written -I’ve been doing a lot of that lately…
I know what you mean. I was at a meeting and cut a person off — not out of rudeness but I realized if I didn’t say it right then it was going to be lost. There was too much fragrance in the room and I had lost the ability to remember what was being said and I lost the ability to filter my fragmented thoughts. I remember thinking I had better not speak. Just before I realized I had better leave.
That was a great TED talk! I love what she is doing ❤ Thank you for sharing it!
I love that she didn’t back down. I don’t know if I would have been so brave. Glad you enjoyed it.