The third anniversary of this blog is around the corner. I wondered what have I learned?
Around six years ago, I read a book, “Ask and It Is Given” (Jerry and Esther Hicks/Abraham) that literally saved my life. The idea that you can’t feel more than one emotion at the same time was new to me. I also thought that you could just flip from being afraid to feeling love in an instant. I now view emotions like climbing a staircase — one step at a time. In the book is a list of the hierarchy of emotions from the lowest vibration of apathy/depression to the highest of love. This is what I learned recently about MY emotions and that hierarchy.
Different families can have different fear emotions that are acceptable. My family it is okay to get angry as long as it is expressed in a way that doesn’t harm someone else. I don’t mean if as a kid I yelled at my brother or slammed a door that there wouldn’t be a reprimand. What I mean is there was no shame/guilt attached to that emotion.
I got angry with a friend of mine. They actually said MY family does not behave that way as if I needed years of therapy to correct this aberrant behavior. This made me think of the post I wrote about the Language of Love, that we might just have a Language of Fear as well. What I needed from my friend wasn’t guilt/shame. I needed a hug. They went to their safe fear emotion which was guilt/shame which, Oh Yeah, made me angrier.
If we both could have acknowledged that we were afraid in that moment and we were just expressing it differently, maybe we could have found a common ground to resolve the issue rather than inflame it.
Beware the step that is roped off. People hold different purposes in families: breadwinner, historian, storyteller… some of us are the emotional landfills. (As I wrote in Being An Empath.)
I could never get past being overwhelmed. If I was overwhelmed growing up, I hid it or retreated to a lower emotion. As per family, friends, colleagues this was not an acceptable emotion for me. It was my “job” to be the “stable” one. There was no way being overwhelmed added to the family stability.
The last three years, I have worked on NOT taking on other people’s issues (this ruffled more than a few feathers) and RELEASING my fears. If you’ve read my blog you know I became disabled, lost my income, lost my insurance… recently I’ve had lots of issues with my house — one issue finally put me over the edge. As I discussed the issue with friends, I received back the comment that they were worried because I was so overwhelmed and that wasn’t like me.
That was a big moment. My life has been an almost constant state of worry and doubt. I just never let anyone see it. That day I finally allowed myself to feel overwhelmed. I had a panic attack. I haven’t had one in a long time. Well since the last time I let myself feel overwhelmed. I took out my list of emotions and I was baffled. Overwhelment on the list is higher than anger or blame or jealousy and I’m “okay” with those emotions. They don’t trigger panic attacks. So why did this emotion turn me into a quivering mass of goo?
I had to shatter the belief that it wasn’t safe to feel that emotion — that the world would fall apart as I know it it I allowed myself to feel it.
Boredom deserves a celebration. For me anyway. Until recently, I don’t remember being bored. The thing is it is the last of the fear-based emotions before the love-based ones. For decades as soon as I hit overwhelment in my life, I’d spiral back down the list, often all the way back down.
I allowed myself to be bored the other day. I didn’t call up a friend or search the internet or try to fill up my moments. I actually became so content with being bored, I moved up a step to contentment without realizing it. This helped me to not view emotions so much as good or bad but rather did I feel lighter or more dense. The lighter I feel the faster it seems I can climb that emotional staircase.
What emotions do you get stuck on? Is it “forbidden” in your family to feel certain emotions? What are 3 important things you know about your emotions?
ASK FOR HELP IF YOU’RE SAD OR DEPRESSED OR ANGRY… GOING IT ALONE MAKES THE CLIMB THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. IF SOMEONE IS A FEW STEPS ABOVE YOU OFFERING YOU A HAND UP — WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?