I’ve met people who refuse to change and those who seek out change with a voracity that is difficult for most to comprehend.
I always thought that the choice was between A.) change today or B.) don’t change today.
In reality every day we wake up a changed person: old cells have been replaced, experiences from the day before have altered our environment in small ways like our shampoo went down the drain to our spouse asked for a divorce, different people stood in front of us at the grocery store, we heard and maybe repeated some gossip, we changed our clothes…
In reality every day is not whether will we change but rather — we already have. The choices are A.) I choose again to repeat the same patterns as the day before or B.) I want different patterns from the day before.
Choice A seems like a choice to not change. But all day long things happen that are different — each change invites us to keep choosing to go forward or to go back. This is how you wake up one morning and look at your spouse and you don’t know them anymore. One person kept choosing “new” self and the other “old” self or subtle changes in each of you finally resulted in two very different people than the ones who said “I do.”
Choice A is why people end up getting divorced and remarried four times or they’re at another dead-end job. The boss or the wife has a different name but they are a repeat of the same pattern.
Choice A is where you’re likely to find the most miserable and the most happy people. Probably more miserable than happy. But if a person truly has it all figured out — embracing exactly what they love — be it what they want in a: relationship, job, home, recreation time, spiritual pursuits…. and they keep choosing things that fall into the “this makes me happy category”, of course, it makes sense to keep picking them.
If you fall into the unhappy category. Look at your so-called non-changing life. Every day when you wake up you make a choice to change back into your old self or to start choosing the changes that will lead you to living as your authentic self.
One might think that Choice B will definitely lead to bliss. It depends obviously on what different patterns you’re embracing. If they are new fearful patterns — you get fear not joy. Embracing change gets you change. Consciously choosing to embrace change that leads to love — this will get you joy.
I was in category A for most of my life. I kept choosing the same fear patterns. After decades of doing this I finally realized I wasn’t having any fun. I finally realized that no one can make me happy or unhappy for that matter. Happy is only going to happen if I choose differently today than I did before. It may sound silly to someone else but my new pattern is that I choose to believe that I deserve to be happy and loved. Don’t we all want this? Obviously not. I know a lot of unhappy people. I hope lots of people join me in a choice for love today. I like it a lot better than choosing to believe that I deserve to have a crappy-get-picked-last-for-the-team kind of life.
You’ve changed just by reading this post. So what are you going to do now?