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willowFor most of my life I’ve lived behind a curtain — veil — facade which ever word you like. If you’ve read my posts at all you know I’ve worked to eliminate this facade.

The other day my cat Loki did something that made me laugh. I mean a belly-chuckle-3-minute-can’t-breathe laugh. Two things stood out to me. I scared my cat Nox. She reacted like she does when I’m sick. She kept tenderly but cautiously touching me — totally uncertain what was going on. The second is that I didn’t recognize the sound of my own laugh.

ringbilledgullI know I’ve changed in the last two years since I became disabled with MCS. And for the most part, they have been positive changes. I really thought that I had spread my wings and was ready to fly.

questionmarkbutterflylakeI thought I was the butterfly. But indeed, I am still the caterpillar.

Image5catepillar

There is definitely a long gestation period to the new me emerging or maybe I should say the REAL me. When I was born into this physical body — I arrived exactly on my due date. I am certain that my metamorphosis will also occur on exactly the date I am destined to spread my wings.

CanadageeseLast night, I set my alarm to make sure I would wake up to go watch the sunrise at the lake. And then I turned it back off. I instead released the need to control when I woke up (both literally and figuratively). I awoke an hour earlier then I had set the alarm and thought, God what would you have me do? Where would you have me go? At that point, I heard the sound of geese way off in the distance. And so I headed for the lake.

sunriseI had to wait for sunrise. When I pulled in the parking lot, one of my favorite songs was on the radio, “Wake Me Up” by Avicii. And truthfully, I didn’t think about the significance to the title of that song until just now. That song makes me want to move — so I hope Sonda — that you are proud of me — I got out of the car and I DANCED. I then went up to the swings at the park and watched the sunrise and the gulls soar.

heronlake2When I headed into the woods for my walk, a young high school couple walked just in front of me. I almost went into teacher/parent mode and reminded them not to be late for school. Instead, I walked to the end of the lake and back. The couple was now more than late for school as they sat on a log kissing as the fog and morning sun danced.

cloudreflection

I had just taken this photo and I realized this young couple was the reflection of what I was seeking. They were living in the moment. Joy and love were more important than rules and time schedules and tests. I smiled as I walked by — I found it quite lovely that for the first time in a long time — I didn’t think that I needed to change what someone else was doing — that somehow I KNEW better than their own hearts and souls.

woodlandsunflowerYesterday, I posted a single sunflower today they have multiplied just as I hope my love has.

Are you a butterfly or a caterpillar? Have you ever danced in a “strange” place alone? I hope you get a chance to play on some swings today.

Love,

Colleen