I sometimes question why I read my horoscope. In truth, I forget what I’ve read a few minutes later. Today’s though stood out. I read two different ones and both talked about anger, temper, resentment. I also watched an episode of Kitchen Nightmares. A family spent a whole lot of time angry with tempers flaring and a whole lot of resentment stewing. Later in the show one of the owners actually told the others that she was proud of them. What a difference. The way they interacted changed significantly. Until of course, some of them slipped back into to their critical ways.
For the few moments, on the show when they all worked as a perfect team — one wonders why with that level of peace would they ever revert back to the yelling and anger? I have in the last few years had some hard lessons in how to stop making spicy anger stew and start making a delicate peace souffle. I think of peace as delicate because it only takes one tiny bit of resentment or jealousy or fear to give you heartburn in seconds.
I have worked very hard for the last 20 months since I lost my teaching job due to MCS. Lots of times I even convince myself that I am at peace with my past. I find so much more pleasure writing and doing photography than I did trying to prepare kids for standardized tests.
And then today, I was writing a short bio to go with a story I wrote that is going into an anthology about the schools/businesses in our town. When I mentioned that I used to be a teacher, I felt the resentment flare up. I shouldn’t have lost my job because people refused to stop wearing scented products to work. From there my thoughts started to go the angry place. I had been in such a happy, productive place just moments before.
I have to admit I have zero ability to understand why someone — many someones — wear perfume/cologne/fragrances when they’ve been told it makes me sick. Why a boss would tell me to quit if it makes me that sick rather than trying to help me. What I do have is a 100 percent ability to make peace with my life and the way I choose to treat people. What I can do is acknowledge my pain and then release it. What I can do is feel gratitude for all the lessons I’ve learned from this experience. As long as I am human crap is going to happen in my life. Peace will come when I embrace that the crap is here to teach me something. Crap can either be viewed as a vile smelling substance to be buried or as a great fertilizer to grow something new.
Apparently, my horoscopes were right today. I did have some anger, resentment, and if not a temper certainly a snit brewing. The great thing is I’m a little closer to true peace and an ability to love unconditionally. I think its time to go plant something. It is very difficult to remain angry when sitting in field of flowers. Maybe all peace negotiations should be held outside in a natural setting. How can anything beautiful be expected to sprout from a sterile stark room?
What thought can destroy your peaceful day? What do you do to make your life more peaceful?