I’ve read many places over the years that it takes 21 days to create a habit. I suppose that means that I am in the habit now of writing my post on the Pursuit of Love. I don’t know if this is a good thing though?
I like that the posts are creating a conversation. I like that I know I’m going to have something to write about each day without having to fear writer’s block. And I most definitely like the idea that other people also want more love in the world.
What worries me about habits is the roteness of them. They tend to be done unconsciously. When I was married I played golf — a lot of golf. Being that I have big knuckles and skinny fingers my engagement ring always rotated on my hand. Before I could grip the club I had to take my thumb, and push the diamond back around so that it sat atop my index finger and not between my two fingers. Years later I went through a divorce. I didn’t have enough money for food let alone golf, so my clubs sat there unused for a few years. One day a cousin treated me to a round of golf. I stood “paralyzed” on the tee. Every time I tried to grab the club — I didn’t know what to do. And then I realized — I didn’t have my diamond ring on. My pre-swing routine had been broken.
So what concerns me about my Pursuit in Love posts becoming a habit? The reason for them is so that I can become MORE conscious of my actions NOT LESS. Don’t get me wrong some habits can be a good thing. If I had to think about each exact step how to take a shower or brush my teeth every day — life would get very time-consuming and tedious.
But the Pursuit of Love should neither be time-consuming nor tedious. It should expand my life so that time is irrelevant and it should be an adventure.
Today’s Intention: Examine what I do in my relationships that are habits. Am I taking for granted things people have always done for me? Maybe the first time they were done for me, I made a loving gesture to acknowledge it but now I just expect it? Am I the victim or the heroine in my relationships because that role was either thrust on me or created by me and has always just been that way? Do I accept other people’s (or my own) bad behavior because the person has always just been that way?
This fact was brought home to me when I saw a person recently who I basically haven’t seen in over a year. They stopped by for a visit and I realized very quickly that my long-lost friend had not changed at all. But I had. Life threatening illnesses have a way of doing that to one’s life.
I sat and listened and realized we had the same visit we had: a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago. I may not know what I want but I do know I don’t want to be in any relationship just because I have been for a long time — just because it is a habit. I think it’s okay to have friendships that serve different purposes: your bowling buddy, your work friend, your traveling companion, the friend you show your broken pieces to…especially if both people understand “that thing” is the basis for the relationship. I suppose the problem is when one person realizes the relationship has changed and the other is stuck in the habit. What does one do then?
I hope we all have a very conscious and awake day.