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My brother says I’m always looking for signs or patterns in everything. I think these are two very different things. Signs to me are the answers to my prayers. I need help and this is my clue what to do. So yes, I look for signs all of the time. I used to think when I was a kid that miracles were something very rare and one needed to be very pure for God to grant one.

Now, I believe that magic and miracles happen all of the time in my life. They are limitless and I am a fool if I don’t ask for them. The difference: magic I ask for specifically what I want. Maybe the money to pay my mortgage this month or a blue convertible or a steak dinner.

Miracles are when I ask God or the Universe to supply me with whatever is in alignment with the Greater Good or my Soul’s Purpose.

For example, say I really want to be married. In magic mode I would pick out the particular guy I wanted. And shazam I would have him.

In miracle mode, I would ask for the Universe to supply me the person that I should be with in alignment with — yup you guessed it — my Soul’s Purpose.

This could be the same person, but mostly likely not. Most humans get hung up on looks or pheromones or sex or money or he/she will give us a child… And we don’t get down to the core of the person we are going to latch onto for theoretically the rest of our lives. Or we get down to the core and it scares the shit out of us that this person really, really SEES US. Is going to challenge us to grow. Most women I know say this is what they want and yet I know very few women actually married to this guy.

So yes, I do look for signs. This is the only way as a human I can communicate with an infinite intelligence that my brain cannot understand at any level.

Now patterns, I also look for. But this habit falls entirely in the human realm. When I first meet someone I don’t look for all the differences between myself and the other person, rather I look for a similarity.

Although, I ultimately am going to be more interested in discussing the differences, it is the similarities that will give me the security to open up to a moment of union. Say the person is the opposite sex, tall, of a different religion, nationality… I’m going to start with WOW you’re a teacher. Me too. Not — I noticed you’re tall and I’m short.

So today I am a tad overwhelmed with the spiritual. I have 8 1/2 sick days left and then I have no idea what will happen in my life. Being disabled with MCS no one at my place of employment wants to help me. My local union says talk to us when you’re out of sick leave. The state union says they won’t help me unless I’m fired. I asked administration for use of the sick leave bank and I don’t even get the courtesy of a response.

I am faced with selling my house. The only safe place as a person disabled with MCS I have. Moving. I don’t know where. Leaving the town I’ve lived in basically my entire life. Leaving my network of friends and family. I could of course buy a smaller house right here. But the winters are brutal. Everyone is holed up inside for months in places I can no longer go. So today, I need to feel like I’m like everyone else. I need to find the similarities.

Here are a few things I found a “pattern” in that reminded meย of something else.

Am I crazy or do you see it too?

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