, , , ,

There are many kinds of love:

Puppy love

First love

True love

Romantic love

Love of my life

Right now, I’m trying to get over or beyond But Love. I’m finding though that getting rid of it is harder than getting rid of cellulite from my butt. Is there anyone out there that hasn’t practiced But Love? You know what I mean:

I love you but not if you didn’t email me on my birthday.

I love you but not if you went drinking with your buddies instead of going to the play with me.

And the toughest!!!

I love you but only if you pick me to marry and not the other woman (who obviously isn’t half as pretty as me or as smart or…)

I believe that But Love and Unconditional Love cannot coexist. Obviously, Unconditional Love is self-explanatory – no conditions – you love the person no matter what—yes that includes even if they don’t love you back or you never see them again. It doesn’t mean you act like a doormat with the person or let them disrespect you in anyway. It does mean that if their behavior isn’t acceptable – you leave the relationship – you forgive them– you love them anyway– and then you expand your universe and find someone to love AND receive respect from.

I’m pretty good practicing unconditional love with babies and my cats – oh and plants. Humans, I’m having a hard time. Sometimes I get it. Earlier this year – I awoke to a ‘normal” day – the phone rang and 10 minutes later a 20 year friendship self-destructed. Instead, of spouting curse words or thinking evil thoughts – I wished this person to have a blessed life – and I hear many months later many good things have happened. I have forgiven – sent love – and looked elsewhere for respect.

I thought I’ve been all spiritual lately practicing unconditional love.  But – not really.  I was included in an invite to a work related party. No surprise there – except I can’t return to work because of my MCS (multiple chemical sensitivities.)The party is in a couple of weeks. At first I thought I would go – I miss everyone. They love me and I love them. Or do I?

My stomach knotted up at the thought of seeing certain people People that had the power to help me – but did not make the attempt. People I thought I had forgiven. But obviously not.

(The short version of my story if you’re new to my blog – scented products (due to toxic chemicals in them) make me extremely ill. When I asked people to stop wearing it – well let’s sum it up – five years of asking – I’m no longer working — I’m permanently disabled.)

I know from past experience that embracing But Love hurts me way more than the other person. Every minute I’m feeling But Love – I’m NOT feeling Unconditional Love. Given the choice between all kinds of love I know which one I’d choose every time.  No excuses. Just love. I believe what energy I put out into the Universe is what I attract back to myself – so how stupid can I be – that I am sending out any other feeling accept unconditional love. I realized after writing this post that I’ve put a few people and one in particular through – But Love Boot Camp. You need to love me – my way – or well – my way – there was no other choice. How sad – I missed out on seeing love through someone else’s soul.

People make lists of all they want in or from that special partner:  cute, smart, funny, talented, great genes, or looks great in jeans …. I did this one time – I think there were over one hundred things on the list. I’m still single.

After writing this post – I’ve shortened my list.

  1.       He loves me unconditionally!
  2.       His face lights up when I walk into the room.
  3.       When he hugs me I feel that I’m cherished and protected.

I’ve been blessed by having all three of these in a relationship before – each time I blew it. The first time I was too young to know what I had. The second time I was too old and could only think of time – instead of enjoying the adventure – I could only think I love you but only if we do everything my way and NOW.

I need to get busy working on downsizing my but(s). Even if my humanness flares up every once in a while – for even a few moments of unconditional love — it’s worth my having to look in the mirror and admit I’m not perfect and I’m worth loving. And if I send out unconditional love it will come back to me. No buts about it.